After the last post, about a year ago, after my renewed commitment to be Be ALL That I Could Be, the roller derby league underwent major changes. Reforming, regrouping, and all that fun stuff...so I didn't skate for about three months (which at that time seemed like eternity). At the first of the year, the reformed league found a place to skate that we really couldn't afford. I felt like only a few of us were really trying to hold things together, and in trying to hold things together and make it to all the practices, I got really behind in my studies...Then my son got a part in a play. I took some time off from derby to catch up with school, see how my wallflower boy had bloomed into a pretty neat young dude...By the time the semester ended, the league wasn't skating anymore.
That'd be the end of my derby days, except back when I was full of hope, I'd bought a pass to Rollercon, a massively awesome roller derby convention in Las Vegas. I went, had blast, learned a lot in skills and in the nuts and bolts of running a league, met wonderful people, felt inspired to return to skating...was making plans to go to Rollercon in '13!!!
and then I returned to reality of the place where I live, and the way my life looks right now. To skate, I need to travel, and I seem to have neither time, energy, nor motivation. As of now now, I've gone cold turkey...trying to clear my head, not watching derby, not spending much time on Facebook which is 75% derby-related for me. Concentrating on school. Concentrating on a struggling relationship. School's a bitch. So's work. The end is in sight, though, for school, and who knows what that will mean for work, and maybe this lead balloon will lift. I don't know what I'll do with my free time when I get it back. Maybe I'll be involved with derby somehow...as a fan, as a volunteer, I don't know...Haven't thought about clearing out my gear chest of derby skinz, holey tights, laces, wheels, tools, skates, pads & guards, knee highs, because denial is a river in Egypt...Not sure I'm ready to shut the door completely, although it seems mostly closed right now.
A year ago, the thought of quitting derby caused so much conflict, like tearing a hole in my gut...but since then it's been balanced by the stress of playing even a small part in attempting to get a fledgling league off the ground, the realization I really don't "fit", resignation that school needs to win right now...I regret not coming to derby at a time when I could put my all into it (i.e. 10 years ago, without school), but I don't regret going outside my comfort zone to put on skates, look stupid, feel good, and have so much fun.
So who knows what will happen? On to the next crazy adventure!
Screw it, maybe I'll take up the ukulele.
No comments:
Post a Comment