I last posted in 2009? No, I think there were later missives, but those pages got torn out. They probably had something to do with making a fresh start on this blog, making a post or two toward that fresh start and then coming back months later to get rid of the evidence of yet another failure to make a fresh start--at least blog-wise. I waffle between lack of motivation and lack of time, and usually both, but here I am again: Ready to Make a Fresh Start.
What will it be about this time?
This time...it will be simple. And probably repetitious and unreadable after a while, if I do indeed continue it for a while. I still envision the lack of time. Currently, along with my usual full-time employment and family, I am a half-time grad student and a wannabe derby girl. The heart of the matter is that I am unhappy in my job (a change for the better in hindsight has resulted in a Loss of Mastery and of Self), not thrilled about school (hanging on the thread that it will help get me out of the niche I feel wedged into), and these two things leave me little time or energy for derby. Women's Flat Track Roller Derby. My only real hobby of the moment. I cannot give up my job, and I cannot give up school if I want to improve the job situation, but honestly, I don't want to give up the only expendable thing. Roller derby forces me to exercise, forces me to socialize, makes me feel good and a part of something. It keeps me relatively sane and gives me a reason to get out of bed on the (non-existent) weekend and to keep chiseling away at job and school.
Why would I have to quit? I should put more time and effort into my classes. I should be home to cook my family healthy meals. I am bad at time management. The house, inside and out, is a disaster area. I am at work all day, I am at practice in the evenings, and when I'm home I'm trying to catch up on homework or I am avoiding homework, or spending time with the family. Furthermore, I don't have the time or energy to devote to derby so I never quite get good enough. I can't stop properly or effectively when the pressure's on, and I haven't figured out how to turn around. I'm slow, and my endurance is relatively low. I'm spread too thinly so I'm a half-ass worker, a half-ass student, and a half-ass skater. But....I'm not quite ready to cut my losses yet. Fall term starts tomorrow, and I'm going to make one more run at Doing it All and Being All That I Can Be.
This blog isn't going to be about school, it's not going to be about work, it's not going to be about my domestic frustrations. It's simply going to be a record of my derby progress. If there is progress, if I do feel like writing about it, and if I survive this next term, then there's a place for me in derby and a place for derby in my life. If there's no progress, then 2012 will mean I can get more use out of the Rose City Rollers season pass that I won at their season championships in June.
I don't know what it will look like. For now, it will just be a record of what I learned, what I did, where I hurt, how I felt, who I met there, or something like that. Maybe some pictures. We'll find out really quickly if it's going to fly or not. After a two week total break from skating, I'm planning to return to practice tomorrow, and my plan is to write a little something when I get home, before I plow into homework and before I give up and go to bed. 'til then!?